How to Let Go of the Constant Need for Control
Practical Steps to Reduce Over-Controlling Thoughts & Behaviors
Today, I want to dive deep into the topic of control. Those of us with TrauDHD often crave a heightened sense of control, yearning for clarity and predictability. It's absolutely valid to feel this way. Yet, in many instances (mine included), this can come off as demanding or even invasive to others. 😵💫
It's an issue I'm actively addressing at the moment. Ever feel like the reins of life are slipping from your grasp? Stay with me. I'm journeying towards letting go of that control and am eager to share my insights with you.
Whether the root cause is autism, ADHD, trauma, or a mix of them, the urge for control can be a real challenge. It gets even trickier when other individuals are involved — we simply can't dictate how someone else will act or react towards us. If you're grappling with this, chances are, there's a baggage of emotions lurking behind. Sometimes, focusing excessively on others becomes our escape.
So, how can we dial down this overpowering need for control without feeling utterly lost? Here’s what I’ve been practicing:
🪷 Self-love and Compassion: I tend to immerse myself fully into relationships, often neglecting my own well-being. This stems from my disrupted sense of self, where I'd rather tackle someone else’s issues than confront my own. Even during therapy sessions, I found myself discussing the issues faced by those I care about, seeking ways to help resolve them. Loving myself means carving out time for my passions and embracing a wholesome lifestyle - because I'm worth it. Practicing self-compassion, I recite positive affirmations in the mirror daily, repeating them until they resonate deeply. I'm gentle with myself, acknowledging my missteps but also recognizing that in every situation, I've given my best.
Tools that help me: Guided self-meditation using Insight Timer & Headspace.🧠 Transform ANTs to PETs: Many of us struggle with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), such as worst-case scenario thinking, black and white thinking, and mind reading. I once believed these thoughts helped me navigate various situations, but they’ve actually been detrimental. It felt like my brain morphed into a “random negative thought generator.” The good news? We can squash those ANTs by converting them into PETs (Positive Empowering Thoughts). The trick lies in reframing these pessimistic thoughts into ones that are not only uplifting but, more often than not, closer to reality.
Tools that help me: The ANT worksheet.
⛓ Dive into the Law of Detachment: I've recently stumbled upon the Law of Detachment. This principle proposes that while our dreams and aspirations are essential, we shouldn’t be shackled by the precise outcomes we desire. It's not about forsaking our dreams but ensuring they don’t overshadow or define us. Trust in the journey, understanding that occasionally, the universe or life crafts its narrative. By adopting this detachment mindset, we permit events to flow organically, often unveiling unexpected and enriching adventures. It’s not a cakewalk for me, especially when I look at the related image below, which triggers my anxiety (lol). But I genuinely believe it will be beneficial in the long run.
Tools that help me: watching this video over and over again.
Make no mistake: I'm still on a journey to handle control in a healthier way. But I believe sharing my experiences might help you approach things from a different perspective. If you have any insights, I'd love to hear them!
Neurodivergently yours,
Magali