5 Lessons from My Journey Towards Secure Attachment
👋 Bye bye abandonment issues, hyper-vigilance, and constant need for validation
Hi TrauDHD tribe! 👋
Many individuals with ADHD and/or autism often experience insecure attachments, which can frequently lead to relationship problems, a challenge I can certainly relate to. Since experiencing a major crisis last August, I've been attending therapy sessions three days a week to address my attachment issues, including the fear of abandonment, hyper-vigilance, and a strong need for validation.
While I understand that this is an ongoing process, I feel like I'm getting closer to achieving secure attachment every day. I'd like to share five insights I've gained on my journey toward developing a more secure attachment style.
#1 It's Rarely About You: I used to take things super personally, thinking they were all about me and felt rejected. But now I get it - people close to us are often dealing with their own stuff, and it affects how they act. And you know what? Chances are, you do the same thing sometimes.
#2 You Get What You Give: I've come to realize that when I put my energy into self-improvement and maintaining a positive outlook, it's like I attract good vibes into my life. It's kinda like a magnet for positivity. If you're curious to dive deeper into this, you should definitely look into the law of attraction.
#3 'Fake It Till You Make It' Can Actually Work (and it ties in with point #2): In the beginning, I'd question myself with every move, asking, "Would a securely attached person do this?" or "Does this actually help me in the long run?"Turns out, in about 90% of cases, it was a 'no,' which saved me from self-sabotage.
#4 Letting Go Gives You Control: Expecting everything to go a certain way often ends in disappointment. Instead of clinging to specific outcomes, I'm learning to roll with the punches and be open to all possibilities. It's surprisingly liberating!
#5 Observe Before Reacting: Let's face it, we all have those moments when our emotions take the wheel, especially when we're triggered. It's a tough nut to crack, but I'm actively practicing this whole observation thing. I try to step back and watch situations and myself as if I'm some neutral bystander. You know what? It actually helps me deal with people and situations more calmly and with a lot less of my usual negative bias messing things up.
You might be wondering how I'm making this happen and why it's working so quickly. Let me tell you, it's not a simple journey. I've been actively engaging in EMDR therapy, meditation, manifestation, and journaling. It's quite energy-intensive, but I'm confident it will yield significant benefits in the long run! If you find this post valuable, please consider giving it a like :).
Neurodivergently yours,
Magali