Hi friends,

Today, I want to talk about narcissism. I’ve always found this area fascinating, partly because I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic partner myself. Over time, I’ve encountered situations where people believed someone might be autistic, but it turned out they were either:

1. Both autistic and narcissistic, or

2. Simply narcissistic.

The Overlap Between Autism and Narcissism

The overlap between autism and narcissism can make distinguishing between the two particularly challenging. Both may share traits such as attachment difficulties, identity struggles, and unconventional expressions of empathy. Interestingly, research shows that people with autism are three times more likely to develop personality disorders, potentially due to childhood trauma.

Black-and-white thinking and heightened sensitivity to stimuli are traits that can occur in both autism and narcissism, often leading to confusion or misdiagnoses. In fact, one study found that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was relatively common among adults seeking help for suspected autism, who were later found not to be autistic.

Funnily enough, some researchers suggest that highly intelligent autistic individuals may overcompensate for their social insecurities, sometimes appearing arrogant or self-centered—traits that can be misinterpreted as narcissism.

Why Understanding The Difference Matters

Distinguishing between autism and narcissism is crucial, as their underlying motivations for behavior are entirely different.

• In autism: Egocentric behaviors often stem from challenges with social cognition and an unawareness of social norms.

• In narcissism: Egocentrism is often an automatic, yet calculated strategy, aimed at manipulating others to maintain or boost self-esteem.

Unfortunately, there are narcissists who claim their behavior stems from autism, which distorts public perception and damages the reputation of the autistic community.

The Takeaway

Understanding the differences between autism and narcissism ensures accurate diagnoses, fairer perceptions, and better support for those affected. The more we educate ourselves and others about these distinctions, the better we can promote genuine understanding and empathy for those navigating these challenges.

And remember, friends: if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 🐥

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Have you come across this overlap in your own experiences?

Hi neurodiverfriends! 

Let’s dive into something a little tricky: telling others about your AuDHD.
Should you? Shouldn’t you? 

Honestly, unmasking can be such a relief—it feels amazing to just be yourself. But let’s be real: it’s not always easy.

So, how do you share this part of yourself without worrying about being misunderstood or treated differently? Here’s what’s worked for me (and what might work for you too):

💼 WORK 💼

1. Tailor to your role

Share how AuDHD shows up at work and, more importantly, how you’ve found ways to make it work for you. Show off those problem-solving skills!

2. Keep it professional

Frame the conversation around teamwork and support. This isn’t about special treatment; it’s about finding the best ways to collaborate and thrive.

3. Provide specific examples

Be clear about what helps you succeed, like: “I crush it with clear deadlines” or “I focus best in a quiet space.” Simple, straightforward, and super helpful.

4. Frame it around solutions

Present AuDHD in a way that emphasizes your proactive approach. For example: “I’ve discovered that blocking focus time in my calendar really helps me manage complex tasks.”

5. Reassure them

Let your employer know this isn’t about asking for special treatment. You’re sharing to be transparent and work collaboratively on solutions, not to offload challenges onto them.

👯‍♂️ FRIENDS 👯‍♂️

1. Choose a comfortable setting

Share in a relaxed environment, like during a walk—bonus points if you prefer not making eye contact (win-win!).

2. Use analogies

Frame your experience in relatable terms. Personally, I compare my brain to a Ferrari with bicycle brakes. Fast, powerful, but sometimes hard to control.

3. Be honest about why you’re sharing

Let them know you’re sharing to help them understand you better, not to seek pity (ew) or make excuses.

4. Focus on the positives too

Besides challenges, highlight the strengths that come with AuDHD—like hyperfocus, creativity, or (in my case) a great sense of humor.

5. Offer resources

If they’re curious, share links, books, or videos that explain AuDHD in more depth.

❤️ DATING ❤️

1. Be vulnerable and open early on

Share what having AuDHD means to you—the challenges you face and the things you genuinely love about yourself. Show how being open is part of building trust in the relationship.

2. Discuss relationship dynamics

Talk about how AuDHD might impact communication, emotions, or sensory needs in your relationship.

3. Reassure them

If they seem unsure, remind them this is just a part of you—not the whole picture—and that you’re learning too.

4. Invite their input

Ask if they have any questions or if there’s anything they’d like to know about your experience.

Remember, the more people share about their neurospiciness, the closer we get to widespread acceptance of neurodiversity.

Liked this newsletter? Feel free to pledge a small fee to support this Substack—it helps keep this space alive and thriving. Massive thanks to everyone who’s already contributed!

Neurodivergently yours 🧠✌️

Magali

Hi there, TrauDHD tribe! 🤩

I know it's been a while. I've been planning to restart my Substack but kept procrastinating (yeah, you know how that goes). But I'm back now and plan to send out at least one newsletter per month.

I’ve been busy lately—mostly with the exhausting task of trying to fit in. Group settings? Not my strong suit. Between the oversharing, interrupting, accidental topic-hijacking… let’s just say I don’t always shine in groups. 😬

Relatable? Instead of constantly fighting these quirks, I’ve decided to lean in and embrace them. Here’s how I’ve started to make peace with my own unique brand of social awkwardness:

1. Find your crowd 👯‍♀️: Real belonging isn't about fitting in everywhere - sometimes someone is just not your person. It's about encountering people who appreciate you for exactly who you are. Look for spaces and people who genuinely value authenticity, whether that's in online communities, hobby groups, or a small circle of trusted friends.

2. Build ‘anchor points’ in conversations ⚓️: Many people with AuDHD find it easier to connect through shared interests (true crime, anyone?) or structured contexts. Whether it’s discussing a favorite topic, engaging in a specific hobby, or just starting with a structured environment, these “anchor points” can make interactions feel less overwhelming.

3. Enjoy your own company 😌: I must admit, I love my own sense of humor and I crack myself up. Over the past year, I've learned to enjoy my own company, and we're having so much fun.

4. Set micro goals for social interactions 🎯: Instead of expecting to feel 100% comfortable or “fit in,” set small goals like “find one genuine connection,” or “share one personal story.” It creates a sense of purpose without pressure, helping you focus on quality over quantity and celebrating small wins after each interaction.

5. Use parallel interaction settings 🪐: Sometimes face-to-face interaction can feel too intense. Parallel activities—like walking side-by-side, working on a project together, or attending a shared event—allow you to bond without direct eye contact or intense one-on-one conversation. This takes the pressure off and often leads to more genuine connections (and let's face it, this sounds kind of cool).

In the next newsletter, I’ll be diving into the art of balancing routine with new sensory experiences—a fine line for many of us!

So glad to be back sharing this journey with you.

Neurodivergently yours 🧠✌️

Magali

Hi TrauDHD tribe! 👋

Many individuals with ADHD and/or autism often experience insecure attachments, which can frequently lead to relationship problems, a challenge I can certainly relate to. Since experiencing a major crisis last August, I've been attending therapy sessions three days a week to address my attachment issues, including the fear of abandonment, hyper-vigilance, and a strong need for validation.

While I understand that this is an ongoing process, I feel like I'm getting closer to achieving secure attachment every day. I'd like to share five insights I've gained on my journey toward developing a more secure attachment style.

#1 It's Rarely About You: I used to take things super personally, thinking they were all about me and felt rejected. But now I get it - people close to us are often dealing with their own stuff, and it affects how they act. And you know what? Chances are, you do the same thing sometimes.

#2 You Get What You Give: I've come to realize that when I put my energy into self-improvement and maintaining a positive outlook, it's like I attract good vibes into my life. It's kinda like a magnet for positivity. If you're curious to dive deeper into this, you should definitely look into the law of attraction.

#3 'Fake It Till You Make It' Can Actually Work (and it ties in with point #2): In the beginning, I'd question myself with every move, asking, "Would a securely attached person do this?" or "Does this actually help me in the long run?"Turns out, in about 90% of cases, it was a 'no,' which saved me from self-sabotage.

#4 Letting Go Gives You Control: Expecting everything to go a certain way often ends in disappointment. Instead of clinging to specific outcomes, I'm learning to roll with the punches and be open to all possibilities. It's surprisingly liberating!

#5 Observe Before Reacting: Let's face it, we all have those moments when our emotions take the wheel, especially when we're triggered. It's a tough nut to crack, but I'm actively practicing this whole observation thing. I try to step back and watch situations and myself as if I'm some neutral bystander. You know what? It actually helps me deal with people and situations more calmly and with a lot less of my usual negative bias messing things up.

You might be wondering how I'm making this happen and why it's working so quickly. Let me tell you, it's not a simple journey. I've been actively engaging in EMDR therapy, meditation, manifestation, and journaling. It's quite energy-intensive, but I'm confident it will yield significant benefits in the long run! If you find this post valuable, please consider giving it a like :).

Neurodivergently yours,

Magali

Today, I want to dive deep into the topic of control. Those of us with TrauDHD often crave a heightened sense of control, yearning for clarity and predictability. It's absolutely valid to feel this way. Yet, in many instances (mine included), this can come off as demanding or even invasive to others. 😵‍💫

It's an issue I'm actively addressing at the moment. Ever feel like the reins of life are slipping from your grasp? Stay with me. I'm journeying towards letting go of that control and am eager to share my insights with you.

Whether the root cause is autism, ADHD, trauma, or a mix of them, the urge for control can be a real challenge. It gets even trickier when other individuals are involved — we simply can't dictate how someone else will act or react towards us. If you're grappling with this, chances are, there's a baggage of emotions lurking behind. Sometimes, focusing excessively on others becomes our escape.

So, how can we dial down this overpowering need for control without feeling utterly lost? Here’s what I’ve been practicing:

• 🪷 Self-love and Compassion: I tend to immerse myself fully into relationships, often neglecting my own well-being. This stems from my disrupted sense of self, where I'd rather tackle someone else’s issues than confront my own. Even during therapy sessions, I found myself discussing the issues faced by those I care about, seeking ways to help resolve them. Loving myself means carving out time for my passions and embracing a wholesome lifestyle - because I'm worth it. Practicing self-compassion, I recite positive affirmations in the mirror daily, repeating them until they resonate deeply. I'm gentle with myself, acknowledging my missteps but also recognizing that in every situation, I've given my best.
  
  Tools that help me: Guided self-meditation using Insight Timer & Headspace.

• 🧠 Transform ANTs to PETs: Many of us struggle with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), such as worst-case scenario thinking, black and white thinking, and mind reading. I once believed these thoughts helped me navigate various situations, but they’ve actually been detrimental. It felt like my brain morphed into a “random negative thought generator.” The good news? We can squash those ANTs by converting them into PETs (Positive Empowering Thoughts). The trick lies in reframing these pessimistic thoughts into ones that are not only uplifting but, more often than not, closer to reality.

  

  Tools that help me: The ANT worksheet.

• ⛓ Dive into the Law of Detachment: I've recently stumbled upon the Law of Detachment. This principle proposes that while our dreams and aspirations are essential, we shouldn’t be shackled by the precise outcomes we desire. It's not about forsaking our dreams but ensuring they don’t overshadow or define us. Trust in the journey, understanding that occasionally, the universe or life crafts its narrative. By adopting this detachment mindset, we permit events to flow organically, often unveiling unexpected and enriching adventures. It’s not a cakewalk for me, especially when I look at the related image below, which triggers my anxiety (lol). But I genuinely believe it will be beneficial in the long run.

  

  Tools that help me: watching this video over and over again. 

Make no mistake: I'm still on a journey to handle control in a healthier way. But I believe sharing my experiences might help you approach things from a different perspective. If you have any insights, I'd love to hear them!

Neurodivergently yours,

Magali

Hey there, TrauDHD Tribe! 👋

It's been a while, hasn't it? Funny enough, after my last post about feeling overwhelmed, I found myself drained and lacking the energy or motivation to keep up with these weekly updates. Life has been throwing some unexpected curveballs, and I've learned firsthand that adapting isn't as simple as it seems.

And guess what? Turns out I'm not the only one feeling overwhelmed! The poll results are finally in, and it's clear that many others are sailing in the same boat:

Essential techniques for sensory overload

Now, let's dive into some ways to deal with sensory overload. These tips have been tested and proven, so give them a try:

1. Make the unpredictable a bit more predictable: It's not always a piece of cake, but you can find ways to make uncertain situations a little more manageable. Take your friend telling you they'll call you "around" eleven o'clock, for instance. That's way too vague. Instead, set a specific expectation like "My friend better call me before half-past eleven."

2. Find the sweet spot between routine and excitement: We AuDHD folks often crave structure, but we're also suckers for that dopamine rush. So, here's the trick: spice up those mundane tasks that usually make you procrastinate. Instead of just vacuuming the room, challenge yourself to blitz the dust within X minutes, for example.

3. Don't forget your 'external memory': When your mind feels overloaded and thoughts are bouncing around like ping-pong balls, it's easy to forget important things and get overwhelmed. But fear not, there's a solution: an external memory. Whether it's scraps of paper or a notebook, jot down your tasks, goals, ideas, and appointments. It helps clear your head and ensures you don't lose track. Don't have your notebook? Use your phone to make notes and transfer them later.

Do you have any additional strategies that can benefit the community? Feel free to share them with me! With a renewed sense of energy, I'm ready to dive back into these weekly updates.

Neurodivergently yours,

Magali

Hey there, TrauDHD Tribe! 👋

Ever found yourself on the 100th re-run of your favorite show? Or had the urge to clean, learn, or create instead of doing what you should? You're not alone in seeking solace from life's overwhelm.

Before I share my sensory overload strategies, let's check in:

Next week, I'll be opening up my personal toolkit to share some tried-and-true strategies for tackling that feeling of overwhelm. We got this! 💪

Neurodivergently yours,

Magali

Hey hey!

Wist je dat mensen met autisme en ADHD vaak onveilig gehecht zijn? Zowel angstige (waarbij je aanhankelijk bent en angstig wordt als je denkt dat mensen je zullen verlaten) als vermijdende (waarbij je mensen op afstand houdt en hechte relaties uit de weg gaat) hechtingsstijlen komen voor.

En natuurlijk trekken tegengestelde hechtingsstijlen elkaar vaak aan. In relaties leidt dit tot spanning en conflicten. 😵‍💫

En hier wordt het interessant: het is niet altijd makkelijk om een onderscheid te maken tussen hechting en ADHD. Dat komt doordat hechtingstrauma onze neurodivergente eigenschappen kan verergeren. Onze emotionele hoogtes en laagtes worden soms versterkt door onze ADHD, maar ook door onveilige hechting. En daardoor is het nog lastiger om gezonde relaties aan te gaan en te onderhouden.

Gelukkig kun je je hechtingsstijl veranderen! Enkele manieren:

• Accepteer je negatieve emoties en plan tijd in om stoom af te blazen. Je stemmingen en gevoelens kunnen alle kanten opgaan. Daarom is het belangrijk om manieren te vinden om te ontladen. Praat met iemand die je vertrouwt, beweeg, of probeer iets nieuws uit. Onthoud dat negatieve gevoelens tijdelijk zijn, en dat je jezelf of anderen daar niet de schuld van hoeft te geven.

• Wees lief voor jezelf. In het begin zal dit onwennig aanvoelen, maar maak er een gewoonte van om dagelijks iets positiefs tegen jezelf te zeggen. Het lijkt banaal, maar na verloop van tijd kan dit je helpen nieuwe, gezondere denkpatronen te creëren die je een beter gevoel geven over jezelf en je leven.

• Bespreek met je partner de invloed van hechting en ADHD op elkaar. Bijvoorbeeld, als je een angstige hechtingsstijl hebt, kun je emotioneler reageren op dubbelzinnige signalen. De neiging van neurodivergente personen om veel vragen te stellen in hun zoektocht naar duidelijkheid kan deze reactie versterken. Door deze patronen te herkennen en zeopenlijk te bespreken, kun je de communicatie tussen jullie enkel verbeteren.

• Verminder onzekerheid in je leven waar mogelijk. Onzekerheid kan uitdagend zijn voor neurodivergente mensen en kan angsten versterken, vooral in relaties. Creëer een dagelijkse routine en elimineer zoveel mogelijk onzekerheden, zelfs al gaat het om iets eenvoudigs zoals ‘s avonds een outfit klaarleggen voor de volgende dag.

• Overweeg (EMDR) therapie voor je relationeel trauma. Het is moeilijk om alleen aan je hechting te werken. Zoek daarom een (EMDR-)therapeut die zowel neurodivergentie als hechtingsproblemen begrijpt. Met de juiste ondersteuning kun je trauma uit het verleden overwinnen en sterke, kwalitatieve relaties opbouwen.

Hi TrauDHD Tribe! 👋

Did you know that people with autism and ADHD often have insecure attachment styles? It can be either anxious (where you're clingy and get anxious when you think people will leave you) or avoidant (where you keep people at arm's length and don't want to get too close).

And of course, opposite attachment styles can attract each other, leading to tension and conflict in relationships. 😵‍💫

But here’s what’s interesting: distinguishing between attachment and AuDHD is difficult because attachment trauma may worsen our neurodivergent traits. For instance, both ADHD and insecure attachment can amplify emotional experiences, making it more challenging for us to form and maintain healthy relationships.

Luckily, you can change your attachment style! Here are a few strategies to consider:

• Accept your negative emotions and schedule time to vent. Your moods and feelings might be all over the place, so it's important to find ways to let off steam. Talk to someone you trust, get moving with some exercise, or try something new to shake things up. Remember that negative feelings will pass and you don't need to blame yourself or others for them.

• Boost your mental well-being with positive self-talk. Tell yourself something new and positive, even if it feels weird at first. It might seem small, but over time, this can help you create new, healthier thought patterns that can help you feel better about yourself and your life.

• Explore how your attachment issues and AuDHD interact by discussing them with your partner. For instance, anxious attachment may intensify emotional reactions to mixed signals, and the neurodivergent tendency to seek clarity through questioning can exacerbate this effect. Recognizing these patterns and being able to discuss them openly can help improve communication between the two of you.

• Reduce whatever uncertainty in your life you can control. Uncertainty can be a real pain for neurodivergent folks, especially when it comes to relationships. It can trigger all sorts of anxiety, making our attachment issues even more challenging to deal with. To keep our heads above water, it's important to create a daily routine and eliminate as much uncertainty as we can. A visual routine can be a helpful tool to keep us grounded and feeling more stable, which can make us happier overall.

• Consider trying (EMDR) therapy to heal from relational trauma. It's tough to go it alone, so look for a therapist who understands both neurodivergence and attachment issues. With the right support, you can overcome past trauma and build strong, meaningful relationships.

Neurodivergently yours,

Magali

"You just have to get started."
"If you really want something, you can do it."

These cliches, often well-intended advice, usually don’t apply to someone with autism and ADHD.

Our brains are always on the lookout for things that provide an instant reward and give us a dopamine rush. This means that our motivation system isn't really based on importance, but rather on what we find interesting. To actually get things done and keep going, we need to be motivated by one of the following things:

• 💡Interest: anything that is enjoyable or within our area of interest.

• 🏎 Competition: anything that can lead to a victory or prove that we are the best at something.

• 🎊 Novelty & creativity: anything that is artistic or feels new.

• 🔥 Passion: anything that aligns with our life mission.

• ⏰ Urgency: anything that needs to be done NOW or has a visual deadline.

🧐 So, how can you put these ideas into practice in your daily life?

Over the years, I've discovered some neurodivergent-proof tips that have really simplified my life. You can use them for your household, self-care, and work. Here's my top three.

• The Non-Conformist Approach: I think a lot of ADHD problems stem from feeling like we have to do things the "normal" way. This is problematic for two reasons: 1) We hate feeling like we "have" to do something and 2) norms are arbitrary and usually determined by neurotypicals. At home and with self-care, I decided to start with my own needs rather than conforming to norms. Realizing I kept forgetting to take my daily medication, I scattered five pill strips in various locations around the house - in plain sight. Problem solved!

• The Might as Well Method: to use this method, you first need to know about habit stacking. This involves learning a new habit by doing it each time after completing an existing habit you've already formed. Just brushed your teeth before bed? You might as well lay out your outfit for the next day too. Threw away some papers? You might as well take out the trash while you're at it.

• The First-Step Method: Often, a household or personal care task seems like an impossible undertaking for someone with ADHD. We get overwhelmed and can't seem to get started. With the First-Step Method, you break down each task into smaller steps and focus solely on the first step of that task. I tell myself that I don't have to tidy my bedroom (= the entire task), but I just need to pick up the clothes off the floor (= the first step of the task). Or that I don't have to brush my teeth, but I just need to wet my toothbrush and put toothpaste on it. You'll see that the subsequent steps are much quicker and easier to accomplish.

These methods are life. They helped me meet my book deadline.

🎉 Yes, it's officially out of my hands now!

My publisher is ready to start the design process. I hope it gets translated as well. Oh, and by the way, I gave a shoutout to Jesse Anderson in my acknowledgments (he has his own substack too). Thanks for your helpful tips on navigating life with ADHD, Jesse!

Hi there TrauDHD tribe!

Hope everyone is doing well and taking life one day at a time. 🫠 Today, I want to chat with you about something really fascinating: the intricate relationship between autism, ADHD, and personality disorders like narcissism.

It’s not unusual for folks with autism or ADHD to have some symptoms that might suggest they have a personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder. But here's the thing - these conditions are totally different, and if they're not diagnosed correctly, things can get messy. 😵‍💫

Autism and ADHD are developmental conditions that typically start showing up in early childhood and can affect social interaction, communication, and behavior. Personality disorders, though, involve patterns of behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that can make it difficult for a person to establish and maintain healthy relationships.

Also, trauma can play a part in why someone might develop a personality disorder. And people with autism or ADHD might be more sensitive to trauma, which could cause them to start acting like narcissists to help them cope.

💬 If you or someone you know has experience with autism, ADHD, or personality disorders like narcissism, I'm curious about the overlap between these conditions. What symptoms have you noticed in yourself or someone else and what was it like? Feel free to chime in and share your thoughts in the comments!

In recent years, there has been a growing concern about late and incorrect diagnoses in our society, and autism and ADHD are no exception. These developmental conditions are often overlooked and confused with personality disorders like narcissism, which is problematic.

Developmental & personality disorders are not the same

First, let's examine the difference between neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD and a personality disorder like narcissism. The DSM-5 defines neurodevelopmental conditions as a group of conditions that arise in early childhood and affect a person's development and functioning in multiple areas, such as social interaction, communication, and behavior. Autism is characterized by challenges in social interaction, (non-)verbal communication, and a limited, repetitive, or stereotyped pattern of behavior, while ADHD consists of symptoms such as inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that often begin in childhood and can persist into adulthood.

In a personality disorder, there is a long-term pattern of, among other things, rigid and negative traits, intense emotions, and problems maintaining social relationships. The characteristics are often expressed in cognition, affect, impulse control, and overall functioning.

A personality disorder is not innate, but the predisposition to develop it can be. The reason someone develops a personality disorder is usually due to a combination of biological and upbringing factors that influence each other.

Understanding narcissism and its confusion with AuDHD

Of the various personality disorders, I believe narcissistic personality disorder stands out for its striking similarities with AuDHD. All three conditions involve disrupted attachment, identity issues, impulsivity, poor decision-making, and difficulty expressing empathy.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) comes in two forms: overt and covert. The first kind of NPD is all about flaunting oneself and craving attention and admiration by boasting about one's achievements. The latter type is more sly and manipulative.

Sometimes, people with covert narcissism may get misidentified as autistic. This is because of the commonalities in the social interaction and communication issues that exist in both conditions. But, there is one fundamental difference - unlike people with autism, those with covert narcissism want attention and admiration, rather than simply lacking social skills.

As for overt narcissism, it may be mistakenly assumed as ADHD. Both conditions can lead to hyperactivity, impulsivity, and distractibility. Instead, with overt narcissism, the behavior is driven by a craving for attention and validation rather than being caused by a neurological condition such as ADHD. Additionally, ADHD-related social issues usually result from attention and executive function problems, whereas in overt narcissism, the desire for attention is the primary motivator.

What's more is that studies have shown a higher likelihood of people with autism and ADHD meeting the criteria for one or more personality disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, the chance of developing a personality disorder is more than three times higher1 for people with autism spectrum condition. Another study found2 that patients with ADHD have a high risk of developing DSM cluster B personality disorders, including borderline, antisocial, and narcissistic personality disorders. This is likely due to the fact that individuals with ADHD and autism may be more sensitive to trauma, which can contribute to the development of narcissistic behavior as a coping mechanism. Traumatic events in childhood, such as abuse, can cause high levels of stress and a child may develop a narcissistic self-image as a way to cope with these painful emotions.

The complexity does not stop there: it is sometimes unclear whether someone's behavior is due to trauma or AuDHD. Black-and-white thinking, sensitivity to change or certain stimuli and impulsivity occurs in all cases. Additionally, it is worth noting that someone can exhibit narcissistic, ADHD or autistic traits without qualifying for the full diagnosis.

The difference lies in intention

I think it’s of immense importance to view these diagnoses as conditions on a different level. The symptoms of autisme and ADHD are typically present from a young age, as they are developmental conditions that have a neurobiological basis. This contrasts sharply with a personality disorder such as narcissism, which develops throughout childhood in response to various detrimental conditions. The revelation of narcissism usually only comes at sixteen years or later.

The cause of the behavior is also important. With narcissism, there is almost always a higher purpose: people are used to feed the sense of self-worth. Often there is a malignancy and indifference to the fact that they harm others. Someone with a narcissistic personality usually has cognitive empathy, and is capable of recognizing others' emotions and behaving accordingly. Affective empathy, the ability to take on others' feelings when they show those emotions, is then feigned with the aim of manipulating.

Someone with AuDHD will rarely consciously hurt others. On an affective or emotional level, we are hyper-empathic, but cognitive processing can sometimes lag behind. We don’t always know how to adjust our behavior based on emotion. Oh, and we might also experience problems with non-verbal communication, behavioral routines, and fixed interests. Structure in the mind often leads to peace, while those with narcissism enjoy causing chaos and disruption.

People who have AuDHD are also more likely to seek psychological help in the hope of navigating life more easily. If someone with a narcissistic personality does seek psychological counseling, it is usually to gain better insight into how to manipulate and control others, rather than to address and overcome their harmful behavior.

It becomes particularly challenging when narcissism and AuDHD co-occur. Some narcissistic individuals mislead healthcare professionals in order to obtain a misdiagnosis of autism spectrum disorder as an explanation for their behavior. This further darkens the societal perception of autism and ADHD.

Personally, I have had an experience with an ex-partner who was diagnosed with autism but showed clear traits of narcissistic personality disorder. She would deliberately try to bring me down, gaslight me, and triangulate situations, but then attribute it to her autism. This was a very difficult and damaging experience for me but it also drove me to seek a better understanding of the complex relationship between AuDHD and personality disorders.

People with autism have a central nervous system (CNS) that functions like a radio tuned to the wrong station. Sounds, lights, and touches come in as a symphony of chaos, causing overstimulation and stress. In contrast, ADHD seems to make the central nervous system function more like a hyperactive puppy, constantly distracted by everything and everyone around it. This is due to an imbalance in the neurotransmitters dopamine and noradrenaline in the brain. Oh, and trauma can also significantly impact the CNS in various ways, such as altering neural connections, increasing sensitivity to stress, and impairing emotional regulation. These changes can have lasting effects on an individual's mental health. These differences in central nervous system functioning can also lead to other physical problems.

Asthma & allergies

Stress can be a significant trigger for various physical problems, which should not be underestimated. For example, a stressful event like starting a new job can exacerbate existing health issues, such as triggering an asthma attack in a vulnerable individual. Allergies and eczema also seem to be more common in people with AuDHD. Another study found that children with autism who have more allergic comorbidities are also more likely to have ADHD. Stress can be a significant trigger, which should not be underestimated. My first and only asthma attack happened during a day out at a water park. A coughing fit and losing consciousness resulted in hospitalization, where the "toxic substances" in the water park were identified as the cause. But still, it was no coincidence that I was starting a new job as a copywriter at a large company two days later, making me incredibly nervous. I now suspect that this played a significant role as well. Who knows – maybe my central nervous system dislikes both water parks and copywriting. Should I stay away from both splashing slides and deadlines? If so, I have an (additional) problem.

Autoimmune diseases

On top of that, there’s growing evidence of a link between autism and autoimmune diseases. Studies have also shown that people with autoimmune diseases have an increased risk of ADHD. The most common autoimmune disease linked to these conditions is systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE). And get this, children of women with SLE have an increased risk of developing autism and ADHD.

It's worth noting that other autoimmune diseases, such as celiac disease, type 1 diabetes, and multiple sclerosis, have also been linked to an increased prevalence of autism and ADHD symptoms. Researchers believe that this connection may be due to shared genetic factors or immune system abnormalities that affect the brain's development and function. The interplay between the immune system and the central nervous system is an area of ongoing research, and understanding these connections may lead to more targeted treatments for both autoimmune diseases and neurodevelopmental disorders like autism and ADHD.

Gastrointestinal troubles

Regrettably, gastrointestinal troubles and AuDHD are quite the "gut-wrenching" pair (sorry!). Stomach pain, constipation, diarrhea, reflux, and more are just a few of the physical discomforts associated with it. It's thought that imbalances in the gut-brain axis, which connects the central nervous system and the gastrointestinal system, might play a role in this connection. In fact, some studies have shown that people with autism and ADHD often have altered gut microbiomes, which could contribute to their gastrointestinal symptoms. Additionally, the stress and anxiety that often accompany AuDHD can further exacerbate these issues, creating a vicious cycle of discomfort and emotional distress. Managing stress, maintaining a balanced diet, and consulting with healthcare professionals can help alleviate some of these gut-related woes.

Are we almost done with the physical discomforts? Nope, not yet! We still need to chat about the conditions that come with persistent pain, fatigue, and a not-so-great quality of life. Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), hypermobility syndromes like hEDS, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), and fibromyalgia often tag along as part of the messy package deal called AuDHD.

👇 Meet Lauren, a resilient 34-year-old woman bravely navigating life with both autism and fibromyalgia. Discover her inspiring journey as she tackles daily challenges with grace and determination. 👇

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🫂 Community Story: Lauren

“Fibromyalgia is caused by an oversensitive nervous system, which makes everything come in extra hard, both physically and mentally. It feels like driving while all the lights on your dashboard are flashing. Speaking of driving — it's not an easy task for me, and I deliberately avoid appointments that would require me to drive too far. Talking on the ph…

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3 years ago · Magali De Reu

Migraines

There's also a possible link between AuDHD and migraines, but that hasn't been fully researched yet. Studies have looked at the comorbidity between autism and migraines on one hand, and common factors in neurotransmitters, immune system, anatomy, and other stuff on the other hand. Plus, ADHD and migraines are connected too. People with ADHD are more likely to experience migraines, especially women, which might have something to do with hormonal fluctuations. And, you know what? Managing these migraines can be quite a challenge for those dealing with AuDHD, as it's just another thing they have to juggle in their already busy lives.

Sleep problems

And let's not forget those pesky sleep problems. For folks with AuDHD, these can be extra challenging. Our overactive minds often make us struggle with insomnia and circadian rhythm sleep-wake disorders, where our biological clock doesn't match up with our desired sleep pattern. Both sleep disorders can lead to trouble falling asleep and waking up at the times we want. And of course, 'cause why not, we're also more sensitive to changes like switching to daylight saving time or standard time and dealing with jet lag.

Hormonal issues

Lastly, there are hints that hormonal issues might have something to do with the beloved duo called ADHD and autism. During puberty, hormones can mess with the effectiveness of ADHD meds like Ritalin. There's also a link between hormonal disorders and vitamin deficiencies in people with AuDHD. And as if the hormonal storm wasn't enough, it seems that women with AuDHD might suffer from premenstrual syndrome (PMS) more often than the rest of the world. During the menstrual cycle, hormones can worsen AuDHD symptoms like emotional instability, impulsivity, forgetfulness, and, well, more emotional instability. As a person with AuDHD, menstruating often feels like an unbearable ordeal. It's like my emotions take on a life of their own, and I have no control over them. Crying over the smallest things is more the rule than the exception, and the slightest stress can make me burst into a rage. It's like my emotions are all blown up to the extreme, like balloons about to pop. The worst part is that it's not just the days of my period that are tough, but also the days leading up to it. PMS hits mercilessly, and I feel so irritable and moody that I sometimes don't know what to do with myself. Even the simplest tasks can be too much, and I often feel so tired and drained that I'd rather just stay in bed.

I find it hard to make people understand what it's like to menstruate as a woman with AuDHD. It's not just a bit of cramping and bleeding, you know. I see it as an emotional rollercoaster that can catch me off guard at the most unexpected moments. It's like my brain goes haywire, and there's nothing I can do about it. And as if this wasn't enough reason to complain, ADHD symptoms can get worse during perimenopause and menopause due to a drop in estrogen levels. But hey, who doesn't love an extra challenge?

It's hard to believe, but there was a time when I began to doubt my autism diagnosis. After undergoing successful trauma therapy, my autistic behaviors seemed to decrease, and I began to wonder if my diagnosis, made during a time when autism was poorly understood, could be incorrect. What if the help and experiences I had shared with others with autism were not justified? The uncertainty made me feel uneasy for a while.

But my doubts were put to rest when when I stumbled upon the concept of predictive coding, also known as the "predictive brain." This theory suggests that perception is an active process of making predictions and adjusting them based on incoming sensory information.

To help me wrap my head around this idea, I thought of watching a magic trick where the magician pulls off a sneaky move you just can't see coming. Your brain starts making guesses like "I bet he hid the coin in his sleeve!" And that's exactly how our brains work all the time, making predictions based on past experiences. But when something unexpected happens, we adjust our predictions based on new information. This means that how we perceive the world is an active process, not just a passive reflection of what's out there.

Autism and predictive coding

In relation to autism, the High Inflexible Precision Prediction Errors (HIPPEA) theory was developed, building on the concept of a predictive brain.

This theory says that autism-related behaviors happen because of differences in how the brain deals with what it expects versus what actually happens.

The key point here is the signal-to-noise ratio, which is all about the brain telling important stuff from unimportant stuff. When reality doesn't match our expectations, we get prediction errors. We use these errors to learn and update our mental models. To do this well, we need to figure out which errors come from important changes around us that we need to learn from (signal) and which come from random stuff that doesn't matter (noise). Basically, the HIPPEA theory suggests that people with autism might have a hard time telling signal from noise. This leads to them wanting very precise predictions and having trouble changing their expectations when new info comes in. Being super specific with their predictions can make them extra alert and reactive to things around them, making daily life and socializing tough.

Picture being at the airport, and the boarding process hasn't started when it was supposed to. Your brain makes a guess based on past experiences: boarding should have started by now. But when that guess is wrong, you need to change your thinking based on a new idea: maybe there's a delay on the screen? This is one way to fix the prediction error.

Now, not everyone reacts the same way to a prediction error like this. It depends on how precise you expect your prediction to be. If you're not too bothered by it, you might just brush it off. But if it's super important (like if you have a connecting flight), you could get anxious.

Most people without autism can adjust and move on without getting too upset. But for people with autism, it can be more difficult. They might feel more stressed and worried, even if the delay doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

ADHD and predictive coding

As for ADHD, there is no typical association with sensory signals. However, there is some evidence that suggests a link between ADHD and errors in reward prediction and reinforcement learning, which are a result of disrupted dopamine regulation. Imagine you're playing a video game and the rewards for completing tasks or reaching milestones just don't seem as exciting as they used to be. You find it harder to focus and figure out how to level up. That's what it can feel like for individuals with ADHD. They may experience a decreased reward response and have difficulty adjusting their expectations based on past experiences.

Trauma and predictive coding

Additionally, there is a growing body of research exploring the link between predictive coding and trauma. Traumatic experiences can disrupt the way our brains generate predictions about the world, leading to a mismatch between what we expect and what we experience. This mismatch can cause our brains to be constantly on high alert, making it difficult to regulate our emotions and respond appropriately to our environment.

By studying how the brain generates predictions and how it adjusts them based on incoming sensory information, researchers may be able to develop new approaches to help people with trauma and ADHD regulate their emotions and manage their attention and focus better. This understanding could lead to more inclusive and effective therapy for everyone.

I think the potential applications of predictive coding for neurodivergent conditions are exciting, and we are only beginning to scratch the surface of what we can learn from this theory.

Predictive coding has the potential to shed light on the unique strengths and challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals. This insight can pave the way for innovative therapeutic approaches and interventions. I think it’s truly exciting to see what the future holds.

“Fibromyalgia is caused by an oversensitive nervous system, which makes everything come in extra hard, both physically and mentally. It feels like driving while all the lights on your dashboard are flashing. Speaking of driving — it's not an easy task for me, and I deliberately avoid appointments that would require me to drive too far. Talking on the phone is another challenge. Without facial expressions and body language, I find it harder to interpret language and try so hard to listen and understand that the message doesn't get through or I stumble over my words. Cooking isn't always easy either. At home, I try to provide as many backup plans as possible. For example, during good times, I make a large bowl of spaghetti sauce so that I can still provide fresh food on bad days. I've also arranged the house so that housework can be done intuitively, easily, and quickly. In that respect, my limitation may even be a bit of an asset! Many people don't understand the impact that autism and fibromyalgia have on my life. Sometimes I wish they could take a look behind the scenes. Because I'm always afraid that others will find me lazy and complacent. Or worse, that the disease is all in my head. The biggest challenge I face is on a professional level. Working is almost impossible during periods of intense pain, fatigue, and overstimulation. As a "but you don't look autistic at all!" person with autism, I am often overestimated. Adjustments that are essential for many people with autism or fibromyalgia are actually nice for everyone. And that makes employers less eager to provide those adjustments. So it's not surprising that only an estimated 15-20% of all adults with autism are working. Fibromyalgia is a diagnosis of exclusion, and there is little to see in blood, scans, or tests. I have never been on disability myself, but the control doctors are said to be terrible and suspicious. There is still so little known about the disease, and that leads to a lot of self-doubt. Who knows, maybe in the future they will find a magic pill to take away all the complaints. But until then, I will continue to make the best of it and hope that people gain more understanding of the impact that autism and fibromyalgia have on my life."

“The link between autism and fatigue is seriously underestimated. I know I'm not alone when I say I experience immense exhaustion. You could say I constantly feel like I'm jet-lagged. It's particularly tiring to have to function in a world that's not designed for me. I have to put in extra effort to do things that come naturally to others. Processing all the stimuli and information around me requires an enormous amount of energy. It makes me nervous and stressed, which only drain my energy further. To cope with this stress, I prepare for situations as much as possible and learn to manage my energy well. I focus on small things that make me happy and take breaks to recover from my exhaustion. But sometimes I even need a power nap or a full day of rest to recover. When you're constantly exhausted, everything is difficult. You can't function properly: fatigue is like the syrup that covers the buffet of life and makes everything hard. Sleep is also a challenge because my racing thoughts never stop, and I always get an energy boost in the evening, like many people with ADHD. I need extra rest and sleep to recover, but that's easier said than done.”

Follow Elise on Instagram.

Ik ben een Belgische thirty-something vrouw die de diagnose ADHD en autisme op jonge leeftijd kreeg. Wat waren mijn schooljaren vreselijk. Pesten was een constante en ik leek nergens in te passen. Naarmate ik ouder werd, werden de dingen er niet gemakkelijker op, integendeel. De wereld was een lawaaierige, chaotische plek en ik voelde me altijd alsof ik erin aan het verdrinken was. Maar het moeilijkste deel? Dat waren relaties. Als kind begreep ik nooit helemaal hoe ik met mijn leeftijdsgenoten moest omgaan. Mijn gesprekken waren onhandig en stroef, en ik eindigde vaak met het verkeerde te zeggen op het verkeerde moment. Het was alsof ik altijd een stap achterliep, steeds een cruciale sociale aanwijzing miste die anderen intuïtief leken te begrijpen.

Een jaar geleden kreeg ik een nieuwe diagnose: posttraumatische stressstoornis (PTSS). Maar ik ben enorm veerkrachtig, dus stroopte ik mijn mouwen op en begon met EMDR-therapie. Na een jaar begon ik iets merkwaardigs begon op te merken. Sommige van de eigenschappen die ik altijd met mijn autisme had geassocieerd, leken een beetje te zijn vervaagd, terwijl bepaalde ADHD-symptomen erger werden. Het was alsof mijn hersenen een soort stoelendans speelden. Dit smaakte naar meer, en ik raakte gefascineerd door de wisselwerking tussen autisme, ADHD en trauma. Ik verdiepte me in de wetenschap en probeerde alles te lezen wat ik te pakken kon krijgen. Meer dan ooit praatte ik met andere neurodivergente mensen die soortgelijke ervaringen hadden doorgemaakt. Door dit alles leerde ik zoveel over mezelf en de manieren waarop mijn hersenen werken. En ik besefte dat ik een uniek perspectief te bieden had —een perspectief dat anderen zoals ik kon helpen. Dat is wat me inspireerde om TrauDHD te starten, een blog waarin ik het kruispunt van trauma, autisme en ADHD onderzoek aan de hand van persoonlijke verhalen, op onderzoek gebaseerde inzichten en praktische tips. Kom dus gerust mee op zelfontdekking en verkenning in de fascinerende wereld van neurodivergentie! Als je een verhaal hebt om te delen of inzichten te bieden hebt, wees dan niet verlegen - stuur me gewoon een berichtje! Laten we een gemeenschap creëren waarin we van elkaar kunnen leren, onze unieke sterke en zwakke punten kunnen vieren en samen kunnen groeien. Bedankt dat je deel uitmaakt van TrauDHD.

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Why I’m starting this blog

If you'd like to read this post in Dutch, go here

I'm a woman in my thirties from Belgium, and I've been navigating the tricky waters of ADHD and autism since I was a young girl. Bullying was a constant throughout my school years, and I never seemed to fit in anywhere. As I got older, things didn't get much easier. The world was a noisy, chaotic place, and I always felt like I was drowning in it. But the hardest part? That was relationships. As a kid, I never quite understood how to interact with my peers. My conversations were stilted and awkward, and I often ended up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. It was like I was always a step behind, always missing some crucial social cue that everyone else seemed to understand intuitively.

A year ago, I was hit with a new diagnosis: post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). But I'm nothing if not resilient, so I rolled up my sleeves and started EMDR therapy. I was about a year into it when I started to notice something curious. Some of the traits that I had always associated with my autism seemed to have faded a bit, while some of my ADHD symptoms were amped up to eleven. It was like my brain was playing musical chairs, but instead of chairs, it was different aspects of my neurodivergence. I couldn't help but be fascinated by this interplay between autism, ADHD, and trauma. I started diving deep into the research, reading everything I could get my hands on, and talking to other neurodivergent folks who had gone through similar experiences. Through it all, I learned so much about myself and the ways in which my brain works. And I realized that I had a unique perspective to offer, a perspective that could help others like me. That's what inspired me to start TrauDHD, a blog where I explore the intersection of trauma, autism, and ADHD through personal stories, research-based insights, and practical tips. Come join me on this exciting journey of self-discovery and exploration into the fascinating world of neurodivergence! If you've got a story to share, or some insights to offer, don't be shy - just drop me a line! Let's create a community where we can learn from each other, celebrate our unique strengths and challenges, and grow together. Thanks for being a part of TrauDHD!